Amanda Werner hosts an off-the-cuff episode of the Empower Students Now podcast about what led her to suspect she was autistic and eventually seek a formal adult autism diagnosis. She explains that her suspicion began after her child was diagnosed with autism in 2021 (and ADHD), which led her to research autism’s genetic links and to reflect on stigma, labels, and the value of openly discussing autistic experiences to combat myths.

A second reason was that her ADHD diagnosis didn’t fully explain her traits, especially her extreme need for order and discomfort with clutter and imperfection. She also discusses learning about the DSM-5’s shift away from Asperger’s as a separate label, how autism can be missed in people without intellectual disability, and how family learning differences (including her sister’s school-identified learning disability and self-identified dyslexia) contributed to her understanding.

Amanda connects autism to her childhood experiences of rebellion, conflict at home, running away, social struggles, intense one-at-a-time friendships, frequent moving due to a Navy family, and severe bullying that caused her to leave a school in eighth grade.

She describes insights from books including Uniquely Human by Dr. Barry Prizant, Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price, and Girls and Women on the Autism Spectrum by Sarah Hendrickx, focusing on how autism in girls and women can present differently, including socially accepted special interests (people/animals), masking to fit in, sensory sensitivities (light, clothing, skin discomfort), modesty and discomfort with feminine clothing, tomboy/androgynous feelings, and gender uncertainty.

Amanda closes with classroom relevance: teachers may notice similar traits in students but should not diagnose; instead, they can use supportive practices that benefit all students, such as patience and empathy, active anti-bullying vigilance, connecting students to school resources (counselors, clubs), allowing headphones, offering choices and alternative options, shortening or excusing some assignments, and providing flexible seating and movement options.

00:00 Welcome + Why This Episode Is “Messy” (Adult Autism/ADHD Journey)
00:57 What Made Me Suspect Autism: Starting Point + Why Teachers Should Care
02:38 Reason #1: My Child’s Autism Diagnosis & Learning It’s Genetic
05:51 Reason #2: ADHD Didn’t Fully Explain Me 
10:02 Reason #3: DSM-5, Asperger’s History, and Late-Diagnosed Adults
14:26 Reason #4: Childhood Red Flags—Rebellion, Social Struggles, and Puberty
17:40 Reason #5: Girls/Women on the Spectrum—Masking, “Special Interests,” and Fitting In
20:49 Sensory Sensitivities + Gender/Androgyny & Bullying Experiences
26:20 Back to the Classroom: You Can’t Diagnose, But You Can Support
28:53 Practical Accommodations Teachers Can Use (Even Without a Diagnosis)
30:58 Wrap-Up, Resources, and Goodbye

Transcript

Amanda: [00:00:00] Hello, welcome back to the Empower Students Now podcast. My name is Amanda Werner and I am your host. In today’s episode, I am going to be talking about, I’m not sure how many, um, reasons, because this is a, a little bit of a, an off the cuff type of what episode, because I’m leaning into being less of a perfectionist and just.

Coming on and talking off the cuff about my experiences, uh, being diagnosed with autism and a DHD as an adult, and it’s, it’s messy. This is just a messy, messy topic. And so these episodes are just less organized than others from the past, and I hope that they’re still valuable to you. So today’s episode, I’m gonna talk about like what [00:01:00] exactly made me suspect that I could be autistic.

Like what is it that caused me to begin to become more and more convinced, so convinced that. I realized it was time for me to go seek a professional who does this for a living, diagnoses various conditions for a living, and, and go through the whole process and spend a lot of money and a lot of time taking all sorts of psychometric tests and things to get a formal diagnosis of autism.

And I do want to. Talk about that process as well in a, in another episode. Um, and I think that all of this is very relevant to teachers because teachers work with kids, and I think that this information can be so incredibly helpful to [00:02:00] understanding student’s behavior, whether or not they’re diagnosed with autism.

There’s an excellent book called Uniquely Human. And it is a book about how all autistic behaviors are human behaviors. They’re just more extreme. That’s all. That’s all right. Like autistic behaviors are human behaviors. Um.

It’s just more intense and more extreme for autistic people. And so that can cause challenges. So let me tell you, let’s start. Okay, so the first reason that I started to suspect that I was autistic is because my kid was diagnosed with autism. Um, in 2021. It is 2026 now. And when they were diagnosed, I, um, [00:03:00] I started doing a lot of research.

I started just deep diving into this topic. ’cause I wasn’t really, uh, very knowledgeable about the topic at all. I had very little background in what autism is even was. Um, and it took about a year. Uh, for my kid to be diagnosed, it took a long, long time. Uh, we were on a big long waiting list and it just, it’s a process.

Um, and, uh, my kid was also diagnosed with A DHD. Uh, I’m also diagnosed with A DHD, so we’re both A DHD. Um, and, uh, and so.

I think, and I, and I, I really, it’s hard for me sometimes to talk about this because I, I really care a lot about my family’s privacy, so I really wanna make this [00:04:00] about me, um, because I really do want to talk openly about all of these things. It, it is my way of unmasking, uh, to be able to talk openly about my.

Experience being autistic. Um, and so, yeah, so the first, you know, Jesse, I’m still trying to be organized about all of this. The first reason that I suspected I was autistic is because I, my kid was diagnosed. And then as I began to research the causes, and my kid even was like asking like, why do I have this?

How did this happen? Who gave this to me? I’m like, I don’t know. Um, but the more that I researched, the more that I learned that it’s genetic. Um, that there is actually, uh, research and science, like well established science around where autism [00:05:00] comes from, and it comes from your parents, one or the other.

Sometimes it’s, uh. I don’t know. I don’t necessarily believe this. I think a lot of people are in denial about their autism or they don’t want, and I, I respect that. I do respect people who don’t want a stigmatized, misunderstood label attached to their name at all. Like I get that completely and totally.

Um, but I think that the way to combat, sorry, the stigmatism. And the myths and the misunderstandings is by embracing the label and then talking openly about the experience of that label and you know, busting those myths. Right. Okay. So that’s the first reason. The second reason that I began to suspect that I was autistic is.

When I was diagnosed with A DHD, [00:06:00] uh, I was diagnosed with a combination type, which is hyperactive and inattentive. Um, I did not relate with the disorganization. Like a lot of A DHD people talk a lot about how they have a hard time managing. Their lives, you know, and their things, their stuff, uh, in their houses, apartments, you know, where they live, their classrooms.

Um, just, just everything scattered, losing things all the time. Right? Like, none of that applied to me at all. Like, I just felt like, but I’m, and even if you go back and listen to my episode from, I think it was 2022 or something about when I was diagnosed with A DHD, I even. Named that I was like, but I’m really, really organized and I’m not just organized like normal organization.

[00:07:00] I am overly organized and overly, um, I, I really don’t want to use the word obsessed, but it’s like the only word that can, can really capture what I’m talking about here. In that I am uncomfortable, very, very uncomfortable and cluttered, dark, um, environments that are messy, environments that have flaws.

Like if a picture is sort of. Even a tiny bit off-centered in someone’s house. House. It bothers me when there’s books that are on a bookshelf and they’re not, they’re not perfectly organized. Like it really, really bothers me and I’m laughing because it’s kind of funny, like how much [00:08:00] time I’ve spent throughout my life.

Um, organizing and sorting things and putting things in order. It, it, it feels so calming to put my environment in order. And I often will use organization and like cleaning as a, as a way to procrastinate. Um, and by the way, I’m not. Suggesting ’cause there are people out there that are like that. Right? And I’m not suggesting that just because you’re like that, that you’re autistic.

Okay. I’m not. I’m not, I’m not suggesting that at all. So please don’t assume that, um. To be autistic, you have to have all these other traits as well, right? Not all of them, but you have to have like characteristics, um, that are in the DSM five [00:09:00] in order to be diagnosed. But even the DSM five, this is the diagnostic and statistical manual that, uh, psychiatrists use to diagnose.

All sorts of things, right? Like schizophrenia, A DHD, um, borderline personality disorder. So the DSM five, it lists, you know, all of the, the symptoms is what they’re usually called, but I like to call them traits, um, because it’s not a disease. I don’t believe that autism or A DHD or diseases or, um, even illnesses, like people call them mental illnesses.

I just don’t. I, that’s not how I, I view them. I view them as just differences in the way that the brain functions. Okay, so the sec, so that, that was the second reason that I started to suspect that I might be autistic, is that the A DHD traits didn’t [00:10:00] fully capture my experience. Um, and then, uh, the third thing.

That I started to discover through my research is, um, well, I learned a lot about the history of the DSM five and about how Asperger’s was it used to capture. People who were autistic that did not have an intellectual disability. And that word was used for that category of autistic people. But then the DSM five took that off pretty recently.

I think it was like 2013, or, uh, I, I don’t, don’t quote me on that date. I don’t have any research in front of me right now. I’m just, I’m like estimating in my head, um, which I do have. Like working memory [00:11:00] problems, right. With A DHD. So, but uh, it was taken off and just collapsed into like, this is all autism, right?

It’s like this huge spectrum. And then also intellectual disability was separated out too. So like someone with autism doesn’t always ha need to have an intellectual disability to be autistic. And often I learned this through a book called Unmasking Autism by Devin Price. Um, autism, uh, people who are not diagnosed with autism.

Until they’re adults, it’s because they, uh, they don’t have an intellectual disability. So they have a average IQ or, uh, above average iq. And I don’t know what my IQ is. I don’t really wanna know what my IQ is. Uh, I learned that there, you know, that te those tests are [00:12:00] fairly. Limited in what they can really capture in a person’s mind.

Uh, ’cause there’s many different ways that you can have high intelligence that the IQ tests don’t really, uh, test for, uh, like, you know, creativity for example. But anyways, so. I just, I learned that there are a lot of people that are not diagnosed with autism and the reason they’re not diagnosed, they, they qualify probably when you look at the DSM five and all the traits.

Uh, but they don’t have an intellectual disability and so they’ve been able to function. Uh, fairly well with probably a lot of tr uh, challenges in masking. And so that’s the third thing that sort of started to make me suspect I might be autistic because I don’t have an intellectual disability. Um, but I did do an episode, uh, [00:13:00] in the past that you could go check out, um.

About my sister who came on the show, and I can put a link in the show notes who was diagnosed with a learning disability, uh, in third grade. And so, you know, this, this is a, this is genetic, right? So like, um, and I think that also my sister and what, what my sister went through. And her bravery and coming on and talking about all of that in my podcast is just, it’s like, gives me goosebumps.

But just knowing sort of the history of my family and my own family’s behavior and my own family’s challenges, um, started to make me suspect autism. Um, and, and I, and I also, like, I really resonated with. You know, that autistic people can [00:14:00] actually do pretty well in school actually, um, if they don’t have an intellectual disability, um, and don’t have challenges with like reading or, you know, like dyslexia.

My, my sister, uh, has, uh, self-diagnosed as dyslexic. Um, and I don’t think really resonates as much with the learning disability label that the schools gave her. Um. Another reason that I started to suspect, um, that I was autistic is my childhood. I had a very, I was the, I’m the first in the first born. Um, so I’m the oldest of my siblings.

I have a sister and a brother who are younger than me, and I had a very challenging time, uh, as a kid, uh, mostly in. Middle school and, and it continued on in high school as [00:15:00] well. But I was incredibly rebellious. I did a lot of things that I wasn’t supposed to do, and I don’t wanna go into those things because, um, I just don’t, it’s embarrassing.

I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have done, uh, at a very young age. I was, I was like. 11 and 12 when I was acting out a lot. Um, and I mean, I guess I could name a few things that I did. Uh, and I, I fought a lot with my parents. I was very argumentative. Um, I ran away from home quite a few times. Uh, it was, it was rough.

I mean, my parents, they laugh now, but they talk about how like. They’re lucky they’re still married today because the things that I put them through, uh, I think they considered getting a divorce. [00:16:00] I’m laughing, but it’s like, what else do you do? Um, I mean, is that I, I also have like a very, like a dark sense of humor.

Like I’ll laugh at things that are sort of serious. Um, and I think that’s a little bit of a sign of autism as well. Um. But, so that was another thing that really started to make me think, okay, yeah, this explains a lot about why you were the way you were as a kid. Um, I also had a really hard time, um, socially as a kid, uh, middle school, high school, and even as an adult, I was very possessive of my friends.

I. Only could handle one friend and at a time. And so I sort of went from like one really intense friendship to another one, [00:17:00] like over the years, you know, like people would kind of come and go and I moved a lot. My parents were in the Navy. Uh, but in middle and high school we stayed in one place. We lived in one place.

I, I’m from Woodby Island. Uh, my parents still live there in Washington State. And so those times we were, we were, uh, I mean I, I, I say I grew up there because we moved there when I was in sixth grade, and that’s really when a lot of the. Trouble started, uh, when I, when I started puberty. Um, and then that brings me to the next reason that I began to believe that I was autistic.

Before I was diagnosed, um, I read a book called Girls and Women on the Autism Spectrum. I learned so much from that book, and one of the things that I learned is that girls and women. Um, and this can also be trans girls too, right? [00:18:00] Or even, uh, tomboy. Uh, they are much more. Interested in socializing and I mean, I’m not saying boys aren’t, boys can be too autistic.

Boys can be much more interested in socializing as well. Um, but there’s this quality to the female autistic experience and the book talks about a female phenotype, uh, that is different from the boy phenotype that’s more captured by the DSM five. Uh. Symptoms or traits that are listed. And for girls and women, uh, because socializing is, they’re more motivated to have friends and to, uh, socialize.

They’re often not diagnosed. Because their behavior seems more normal. [00:19:00] Another thing is their, um, special interests or their hyper-focused areas are more, uh, su like accepted socially. Like so boys who are autistic, their interests are. Often, I’m not saying all the time, like I can’t make a blanket statement about all autistic boys, but they are often, uh, interested in, uh, objects like trains or, uh, coding, computer coding or um, cars, things like that, like object oriented.

Whereas girls and women are more. Animal and people oriented in their interest. And this really made a lot of sense to me because [00:20:00] I believe that as a kid I was, my special interest was people and understanding people and psychology and understanding why people did what they did and, and basically just doing everything I could in my power to fit in.

Um, studying famous people, studying the popular group, trying to emulate them. Um, these are things that were listed and talked about in this book. I’m like, what? This lady is describing me. Um, and so it just became more and more clear, uh, and then. You know, one of the, I think things that people, when they hear autism or hear that someone is autistic or has autism, um, they [00:21:00] think, well, what about your, your sensory sensitivities?

Uh, where do you fall? In that area. Amanda and I have a lot of them, and autism really explains it to me. I have a lot of skin issues. Uh, my skin, it, it’s very, very uncomfortable. Like right now, my, I feel my hands are really dry and it, it’s, it’s annoying. It, it feels. Painful and I, so I have to like, use lotion a lot.

Um, which some people don’t like. Some autistic people I know hate lotion ’cause it feels yucky and gross on their skin. Right. Like, but also just, um, just light like, um, bright. Rooms, bright lights have always, [00:22:00] always, always bothered me. Um, I don’t really, like, we have these like, what are those called?

Recessant lights all over our house and they’re just like shining right directly on top of me. And it, it’s really, I hate it. It bothers me. Um, just that sense of feeling annoyed all the time. Um. Being annoyed by clothing, being annoyed by like just my pants and the way that they feel around my waist. Um, I’ve always been really, really sensitive to, to just the way that my feet, my clothes feel on my body.

Um, but I’ve also worn really uncomfortable things because I wanted to fit in, you know? Um, really, really desperately. And so, I mean, there’s, so I could go on and on about [00:23:00] sensory sensitivities. Um, I’m also a very, very modest person and I always have been and just felt like, um, girly clothes and girly things.

Make me very uncomfortable. And they always have. I mean, I’ve definitely felt like a tomboy growing up. Um, but nowadays, I, I think that if I were a kid and the term non-binary existed, I would have felt a lot of that would’ve resonated with me back then. Um, yeah. So, and, and I learned from this book. Girls and women on the autism spectrum that women who are autistic are often androgynous.

Um, meaning they’re not very [00:24:00] feminine and they’re not very masculine either, or, let me put it a different way. I don’t feel like that’s the best way. They’re, they’re both. I mean, and, and there are studies that have shown that, um, autistic people often have more of a dysphoria experience, a feeling of I don’t really know what my gender is.

And I’ve always felt that way as well. I’ve always felt, um. Like I got along with boys more than girls. Girls have always been really intimidating women. Um, to me I’ve always felt like they are mean. Uh, well, because I’ve been bullied a lot and I was bullied a lot. Um, and there’s another reason that I started to believe that I was autistic is I’ve experienced a lot of bullying.

I actually had to leave a [00:25:00] school, uh, in eighth grade because of. How severe the bullying got. Um, and there’s more, I mean, there’s so much more. And I think that the more that I hear other autistic people’s experiences, the more that I, um, I, I became convinced that I was also autistic and I mean. I think that deep diving into these subject areas for years and years and years, and just being someone who is like, extremely passionate, um, and, and just constantly learning and absorbing information about my interest, uh, those interests being psychology, education, and [00:26:00] neurodivergence.

Um. I think that all of these are, are really big signs that that led me to get a formal diagnosis. And so I can talk more about that in the next episode, like what that process was like and what it’s been like for me to get a diagnosis. But I do wanna bring this back to your classroom and the students in your classroom because a lot of the characteristics that I have.

Uh, named here. You might be seeing in your students or even yourself. And I think that when kids have str struggles, socializing, when they are, uh, rebellious, when they’re defiant, when they might seem self-absorbed or self-interested, or only interested in one. Um. One [00:27:00] area or they seem over passionate about that area of interest.

Like you might might start to think like, this kid could be autistic. This kid might be on the spectrum, and guess what? You might be right, but you can’t say anything to them. Right. You can’t, ’cause you know. I’ve had this over and over again. People tell me you can’t diagnose people. Amanda. You’re not a doctor.

That’s not your specialty. Um, and they’re right. Like I’m not a doctor. I’m not someone who can just like, go and diagnose a person. I can’t. Um, but I can, um, take into account. Uh, a student’s struggles in my classroom and I can start to understand maybe, and I’m saying maybe because maybe this person, you su, [00:28:00] you suspect this kid or these kids in your class, maybe you suspect they’re autistic, um, and maybe they are autistic.

Uh, you can use what you’ve learned. About autism and use te best teaching practices, um, for these kids, whether or not they’re autistic, right? Like these practices of support for neurodivergent children, uh, kids who are A DHD or autistic, they kids who are, and kids who aren’t. Benefit from all these prac, all kids benefit from these practices, these accommodations.

And I’m gonna, I’m gonna tell you some of them now. One of them is being [00:29:00] patient and kind and empathetic to these kids being vigilant in your classroom around bullying and harassment and, and noticing. If that’s happening in your classroom and putting a stop to it, you know, um, helping kids who are struggling socially by offering them resources at your school, even if they don’t have a diagnosis.

You know, like there are counselors at our schools for a reason. You know, like there’s, um. You know, like friendship buddy groups and clubs and things like that at schools for a reason. And so you can, um, offer these resources to kids. ’cause sometimes kids don’t even know that these resources exist within a school.

Um, allowing kids to use headphones when they’re stressed out to listen to music, offering them alternative options and [00:30:00] choices, offering shorter assignments. Excusing certain assignments that you think, you know, this kid might not really benefit from doing this. Um, offering kids like special seating for, you know, like maybe they’re more comfortable with this one friend, like, allowing that, um, allowing them to sit.

In flexible seats, not necessarily in a desk, allowing them to move around, allowing them to stand in the back of the classroom if they need that. It’s not just kids that are diagnosed that, that could benefit from these things. And, and that’s the point that I really wanna push here is that, um, that, that all kids benefit from accommodations.

And you don’t have to have a diagnosis to benefit from it. Um, [00:31:00] so that’s where I’m gonna leave this episode for now. I hope it was helpful. I hope you learned a lot. I will put links to the books I mentioned in the show notes, and if you thought this was helpful and beneficial, share it with someone you know.

Thank you as always for listening. Bye-bye.